CHATHAMORONS; too much money, too little time!
There's an old saying, all money does is make you more of what you already are. The high dollar residents of Chatham prove this true. I actually witnessed the absurdity of of how too much money can bring out the most ridiculous behavior and expectations in people.
It was 730 in the morning and I was shopping at a local grocery store in Chatham just before labor day. A big ole gas sucking vehicle with vanity plates pulls up and of course parks in the handicap parking. (Oh they had that handicap sticker. Money buys those too.) Out hops a woman who seemed to be pretty mobile and agile. She seemed a bit dressed down as she was clad in a pair of freshly dry cleaned jeans, pink chemise and heels. Of course her hair and makeup were perfect. (that time of the morning, I don't even remember I have hair, at least not til I've had my coffee) So she struts into the store and quickly comes back out with a couple of bag boys in tow. They grabbed a cart and went to her HUMPME and proceeded to unload several bags of groceries. Then she lead them back into the store. (I guess they would have got lost or something)
Now, I'm curious by nature, it's what makes me good at my job. I had to go in and see just exactly what she was up too. Guess what, she was returning all the groceries she didn't use over the summer and demanding her money back. I'm not talking just canned goods mind you, perishables too. Unbelievable! Oh she got her money back. I guess it is true, you really can rent food, I never knew that.
Funny thing about that day, I just had to give it a shot. I found a loose thread and pulled it free and kept it in my hand. When she walked by I stopped here and acted like I was removing the thread from the back of her chemise. She was mortified that her barbie doll appearance was wrecked by that thread but I smiled and looked her up and down and said "I doubt anyone noticed". Vanity, it such a weakness and so very easily played. I just love those high thread count bath towels.
What do they call the people of Chatham anyway, Chatamites? Chatamanians? Chathamers?
I'm not sure really but, as you already expected, I have a few suggestions. "Chathamoaners", appropriate for at least one resident. " Chathamaniac", nah too simple. "Chathamette", sounds like dinner plates. How about something Darwinian, "Chathamonkeys"! "Chathamarangs", wasn't that the name of a car in a Disney movie? No, that was chitty chitty bang bang. Maybe it's a new type of boat for rich snobs. "Yes, Chad, this is my new Chathamarang Depthseeker."
"Chathamoes", sounds like the b-side of the Frank Zappa song Dinah Moe Hum. (that song is about a woman in Orleans by the way) "Chathamagoo", could work for those that have aged beyond the blue hair stage. But I think I'll stay conservative and go with "CHATHAMORONS". For me, it says it all.
Stand Yer Ground, Bandana
posted by Bandana @ 2:24 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I was in Chatham Hardaware over Memorial Day weekend (I adore hardware stores - so many things we would have died to have in my day!) and listened to a well heeled lady demand of a clerk that he produce new grill racks for her barbeques. It seems that every year, she throws the racks away at the end of the season, rather than clean them, but she was put out that while her larger Weber-style grill could be accomodated, her smaller Smoky Joe didn't have replacement parts. The clerk patiently explained that the entire grill cost about $20, but to order a replacement grill part would cost her at least $15 - perhaps she would rather buy a new small grill?
No, she huffed - THAT would be wasteful! She left, rack-less and wracked.
Of course, in my day, we had the simple expedient of simply never paying tradespeople at all - perhaps that will spread to Chatham as well...
So, everyone with money in Chatham is a moron? That person probably was a summer rental jerk. I think Chatham has a bylaw that makes it illegal to be a resident and own a hummer. So, if you see a poor person being a jerk in brewster next week, does that mean everyone in brewster is a moron? Your "logic" says that they would be.
This is a great post. People I knew that lived year round in Chatham weren't rich and obnoxious, but I know exactly the people you're talking about.
I worked in the Ben & Jerry's in Eastham and in Chatham. The difference in the clientele is incredible.
Eastham:
Me - "How are you folks doing tonight, great beach day, huh?"
Customer - "Yes, we just got back from the light house beach, it was great..."
Then some more witty banter and they would usually leave me a generous tip. These are casually dressed families with a 5 year old car and 3 kids!
Chatham:
Me - "How are you folks doing tonight, nice day for a sail, huh?"
Customer - "I want two scoops of chocolate."
Ok, maybe he doesn’t sail, but he sure was wearing a lot of Nautica gear. Of course, he left no tip. It’s not that he didn’t see the tip jar, no I saw him look at it when he pocketed his 10 cents. He was just cheap, I’m sure Buffy was impressed.
Chatham just attracts people like this. I don't think they're rich; I think they're desperate to seem rich. Rich means your balance sheet says you own a lot more then you owe.
Driving a Humvee means you make at least enough money each month to cover the payments.
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